Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
