I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?
There was nothing left but de-brie.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
