Accident jokes

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Yo mama so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere.

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?

Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.