Accident jokes

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

The people in the tower ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.

Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

I killed a man in '94.

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Why did the student at Blacktown Girls cross the road? To go to heaven. HAHAHA

Q: Why was the pilot sad?

A: 'Cause he was bad at playing Jenga. 💀

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.