Accident jokes

What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?

Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.

You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

Why did the man get run over?

Ur mom XD

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

He got a paper cut and bled out.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)