If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
I'm Gay.
What's the difference between paul walker and a computer? I care when my computer crashes
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
