Accident jokes
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Why did AlexDaEgg fall down the stairs? Because he is fat.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?