Accident jokes

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

Why did Sally drown in the pool?

She didn't have any arms, remember!

Why did the man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.

Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.

Boy: ...

Boy: Get the hell out!

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

Why did the man get run over?

Ur mom XD

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!