Accident jokes

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Poopies in my undies.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.