Accident jokes
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Memes
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Poopies in my undies.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
(Titanic ll) yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) (iceberg) ok at least there isn't 99 more titanics (99 more titanics pop up) yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy:) (iceberg) :(
What is yellow but can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?
Because the Titanic hit it.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.