Accident jokes
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!