Accident jokes
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
Was he under insurance claim?
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Poopies in my undies.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.