Accident jokes

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

Was he under insurance claim?

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally...

How did she die?

A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A bomb.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

What did the girl say when she ran through the door?

Ouch.

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?

Two large planes!

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Poopies in my undies.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?

Because the Titanic hit it.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!