Accident jokes

What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

Was he under insurance claim?

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Poopies in my undies.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

(Titanic ll) yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) (iceberg) ok at least there isn't 99 more titanics (99 more titanics pop up) yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy:) (iceberg) :(

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!