Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
Accident Jokes
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
Was he under insurance claim?
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
