Accident jokes

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

Was he under insurance claim?

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!