Accident jokes

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.