Accident jokes
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?
My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.