Accident jokes

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.