Accident jokes
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Was he under insurance claim?
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.