Accident jokes

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

Was he under insurance claim?

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.