Accident jokes
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
Well.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."