Accident jokes
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
What happened to the woman who slipped in a seafood restaurant?
Um...I don't know what?
She slipped on a mussel!
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)