Accident jokes
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.
Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
Kids?
Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.