Accident jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

What's Kobe's favorite song?

"Helicopter Helicopter"

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

"Learn to fly a plane," they said. "It'll be fun," they said...

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A: A bus full of children.

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.