Accident jokes

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A: A bus full of children.

Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?

Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.