Accident jokes

Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?

Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Not Sally.

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawking after a house fire.

"I created the Human Torch."

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.