Accident jokes

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

What's Kobe's favorite song?

"Helicopter Helicopter"

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!

I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

What goes hahaha bonk?

A man laughing his head off.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?

There is none, they both go up in flames.

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

Your family in a nutshell.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.