Accident

Accident jokes

News

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

Memes

Crack

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

Race Car

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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  • Name

    Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

    Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

    Boy: Okay, Dad.

    Dad: No problem, Brick.

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  • Golfer

    What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

    A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*

    Well

    Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

    Car

    Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

    Paul Walker

    When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

    Seatbelt

    What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

    Poop

    So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Sally

    Why did Sally fall off of the swing?

    Because she has no arms.

    Knock knock.

    "Who's there?"

    Not Sally.

    Landmine

    I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.