Accident jokes
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
Two planes crashed into two separate towers.
Now two towers crash into two separate planes.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
Nobody:
Titanic: sYnCccCc
Iceberg: yAaaYeEee
People: yAaanOooO
Ocean: fUuudD