Why do an emos parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut them selves
Once an orphan purposly fell out of a tree, he forgot his parents wouldnt catch him
Luisa: the ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Captain of the titanic: wait what did you say
3 minutes later
Why didn't I listen to the strong one
What a day yesterday was I got a promotion and my sisters killer was hit by a bus now I’m in a cast!
Why did the planes crash into the twin towers ?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on
my grandpa's last words were before died in vietnam was what fuck did i step on..........
Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister, my mum said "step on a crack break your mother's back" I stepped on a crack, my sister has been in the hospital ever since
Why did the orphan cross the road. Because they thought they saw there parents(plot twist the orphan got ran over)
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle? Son: Why? Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling so I put a car-pit over it
It squrted in my eye god dammit
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
What did they find in Paul walkers glovebox? His head and shoulders.
who crashed the plane? 1. Abu Faram?- terrorist 2. The little kid Joseph? 3. The passed out pilot?
OR JAMAL?
I can't tell whats farther the great wall of China or how far Paul Walker flew out his windshield
there was this boy he had diarrhea and he kept asking to go to the bathroom but the teacher said no next ting you know he poop his self infront of the class.
One day i was passing a blind man and i gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer next day i went for another walk and saw his grave
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl gos on stage: break a leg!
Rachel: alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
