Accident jokes
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."