Accident jokes
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.