Accident jokes
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.