Accident jokes
Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.