Accident jokes
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Memes
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.