Accident Jokes

So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

what’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer,and a poor kids parents getting ran over by military tractors?When grandma got ran over by a reindeer,the kids actually gave a shit.

A Lew runs into a wall what does he break? His Nose

A Mexican runs into a wall what does he break? His lawn Mower

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.

What do visiting goatman's bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common? You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

1 2 3 4 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

What do you get when you have a class of kids, and a speeding car? A 24 killstreak

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone"

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully. But I can break yours today, hopefully.

POV you accidentally get H in your IV drip

I was doing a race and I started after everyone cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, because I can't go straight, if i'm gay...

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible

imagine u go to school right u hit the curve the bus driver be like ahhh how do i stop the bus students from the bus jump from the windows one of the students THAT'S a U Problem