Accident jokes

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.

Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?

She was on fire.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

What does Diana stand for?

Died In A Nasty Accident.

Why is Paul Walker a walker?

To let people know he isn't a driver.

My sister was at Sixth Street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled, so she called the police! XD

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was such a good pilot.

So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

Why did Sally fall dead?

Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."

England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."

Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.