Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, thatβs how Paul Walker got sent to Godβs inbox.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP π
