Accident jokes
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?
He Neverland.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it's intersected by a plane!
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.