So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade. John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door....
Why did princess Diana cross the road?
-she wasn't wearing a seat belt
Jack and Jill went up a hill his condom ripped and now they are from Alabama
What's the difference between a plane and a woman
At least the the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today? The bus driver hit sally
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
i got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
there was a man in a wheelchair and he got knocked out in front of a bus he had a wheelie good life.
Today sucked my freind fell of a cliff and I went to jail
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
why did gemma fall off her bike? she got hit by a fridge
I was anonymous, with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*"
What's black and white and red all over? A mime i hit with my car.
my friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
Why did the orphan cross the road. Because they thought they saw there parents(plot twist the orphan got ran over)
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling so I put a car-pit over it
Why did the planes crash into the twin towers ?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on
