So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
