Accident jokes

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

The dad: "Everywhere."

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”