Accident jokes
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.