Accident jokes

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

The dad: "Everywhere."

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?

They both have torn rotators.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Presidents are normal, physically.

Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.