Accident jokes
What is yellow but can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?
Because the Titanic hit it.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!