Accident jokes
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
Memes
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
I fell down yesterday.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!