Accident jokes
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
What is yellow but can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
(Titanic ll) yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) (iceberg) ok at least there isn't 99 more titanics (99 more titanics pop up) yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy:) (iceberg) :(
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
Memes
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
I fell down yesterday.
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?