What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
Accident Jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
Haha, dead.
What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
