I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember there are no speed bumps..... I hit bambie
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
This is Sally.
Sally says hi.
This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
Two planes crashed into two separate towers.
Now two towers crash into two separate planes.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
