I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
(knock knock) whos there, Accident, accident who, accident you
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
