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Accident

Accident jokes

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not Susie!"

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.