Accident jokes
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it got knocked down on its way.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
When you realize the shuttle blew up.
Then you realize you're on the shuttle.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!