Accident jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words...

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?

Because the Titanic hit it.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

What goes white, black, white, black, red?

A zebra falling down the stairs.