100

100 jokes

Grade

    • True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

    Incest

    • Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

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    • 100 memes

    Sperm Bank

    • An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

    "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

    "I'm going down to give blood."

    "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

    "About $30."

    "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

    The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

    "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

    "Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

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    • Dynamite

    • A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

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    • Chip

    • A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

    "I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

    Family

    • The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

    Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

    Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

    Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

    Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

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    • Yo mama

    • I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

    Reader

    • Who are the fastest readers in the world?

    The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.

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    • Nazi

    • Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

    My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

    Me: *Realizes*

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    • Tylenol

    • A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

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    • Bag

    • So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

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