Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
9/11 victims are the best readers
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
i swear in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers cant even win a war, might as well send all your school shooters over there
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
Ones a good year the others a great year!
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
How many beans are there in Irish Chili?? A: 239 Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine? A: ( spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more it'd be two farty. ..lol
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
