When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
100 Jokes
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.
Me: yep they definitely have one 100% đź’Ż
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
100% of them are like him!
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
LGBTQ. If there’s any joke, it’s 100% the woke 🤡.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What does an orphan and a female's mouth have in common?
They take in 100's of kids.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Your hairline is so close to Earth, it's 100 million lightyears away!
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
