ID jokes

"I'd love to give everyone another shot."

Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.

So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

I'd tell a 9/11 joke, but it would crash and burn.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.

I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.