Strangling jokes
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
We can't go under it...
We can't go over it...
We have to go through it!
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
Community talk
You ever feel that urge to strangle something cute just because its so cute?
One evening in Beaver Hollow, a most deranged tale unfolded within the notorious Van der Linde gang at the peak of their desperation. The sun had set on another chaotic day, casting eerie shadows through the dense forest. Little did anyone know, this evening would be filled with unimaginable horror.
Arthur Morgan, known for his unpredictable nature and mischievous spirit, had been growing tired of Dutch's leadership… Read more
Im going to explain how it feels to be strangled to death First, you feel the pressure in your throat your eyes water and you start to taste something very very sour in your mouth then it's like someone lights a match right in the middle of your chest and that fire grows it fills your lungs, mussels, and your throat and all the way behind your eyes and finally that fire turns to ice like pins and needles of ice are sticking into your fingers, feet, arms, you see stars than darkness and the last thing you feel is cold