Animal abuse jokes

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."

Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."

Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.