ID jokes

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

I'd tell a 9/11 joke, but it would crash and burn.

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

A person laughs every day.

"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.