You're jokes

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.