You're jokes

I see a worm. Oh, no, it's just your hairline!

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.

Doctor: I see your point!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!

If you're a girl, please comment.

What do you call your sister who only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

Your hairline is so bad that it looks like you have Ironman's helmet on your head.

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

Your reflection.

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!