You're jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.