You're jokes

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

Your forehead is so big you could have put an H for Kobe to land on.

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.

What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?

"Gene-ious!"

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Your hairline is like the economy, it's going down.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

Your hairline is so far back it took a trip to America.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."