You're jokes

Is Google a male or female?

Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.