You jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed? High steaks gambling.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.
(And you thought this would be a joke.)
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?
www.VincentVanGoghAway.com
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
What can you say in bed and in piano class? Im fingering A Minor
What do you call someone who subscribes to Toast4128 on YouTube?
A very good person.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!