You jokes
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
"Say what you want about the deaf."
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Did you ever walk into Stephen Hawking's house?
Answer: No, neither did he.
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk, walk home? Was your night night? You had fun? I had dinner, night time, and a tree. I had dinner. Is it a magic time? Dinner! I have been home. Was good.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
I got some from suggestions, research, etc. etc. Just to illuminate you.
Pretend you're an orphan and I'm telling you a joke:
Your mom.