You jokes
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Memes
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What do you call an animal flouting?
Super bird!
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."