You jokes
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Fuck you
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Your mom is fat and so are you.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
The great meme reset is like a fart. If you force it, it's gonna be shit.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.