You jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

"PENIS WAIT WHAT OENIS SUCK MINE DADDY?" Sorry, you are an orphan.

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

When you find out your great grandpa killed Hitler.

Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What egg do you buy an orphan?

Free range.