You jokes

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

Q: What do you call a sad soda?

A: Soda-pressing.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

You calling me gay, but the pole is straighter than you.

Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.

Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH!!!

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"