You jokes

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!

Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT

Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.

All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where the home is.

Also, what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.