You jokes
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
What do you call a AK-47 that lost 1 point?
An AK-46.
Gun
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?
You were hit by a shockwave!
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."