You jokes

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

What do you call a one-legged hippo?

A hoppo!

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."