You jokes

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says, "moo moo."

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?

Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

I AM SFLUGO FOUNDER OF THE PRO ORPHAN JOKE CLUB. Just want to say that people spamming does nothing and we will keep making our jokes!! #SaveOrphanJokes and please say in the comments if you want to join the club.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

Like if you don't have a dad.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.

America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!