You jokes
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I hate you.
I hate you who?
You hate me?? Rude!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
What do you call a burned Mexican? A fried torteya.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I did app.
I did app who?
You did a poo.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.