You jokes

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

How do you spell "cognitive mess?"

J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

If you read this, you are gay.

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

What do you call a pig in a farm?

- A pig in a farm.

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

A man takes a boy into the woods.

Boy says:

"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."

The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

Hey, you wanna hear something funny?

An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.

Are you an egg, because you crack me up?

What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?

A Lymphomaniac.

What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?

"Where do you live?"

What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?

The dry bear.

What do you call a black woman?

A Nigg-girl.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"