You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Me and her Lol
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Are you choked?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"