You jokes

So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

An orphan goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you need parent permission to enter."

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

That's what happened to my dog.

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.

You soak balls, get it?

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

My friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Me: No.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because you are a joke.

Friend: Your life is too...

Me: :)

Friends :)

Why is Lucas so weird? I don't know, you tell me.

What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.

You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill Gates!

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)