You jokes
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
What do you call a shadow?
Tyrone, don’t be a coon!
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.