Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
You Jokes
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
Fuck you
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving, just to go skydiving twice.
What do you call a cute door?
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
