You Jokes

Stick

What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?

A fishing pole.

Baby

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

Football

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

Knot

"Can you tie a knot?"

"I cannot."

"So you can knot?"

"No, I cannot knot."

"Not knot?"

"Who's there?"

"F... off!"

Fish

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

Worship

You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.

Baby

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Toy

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

Orphan

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Fruit

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

Funeral

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

Common

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.