Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
You Jokes
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
Fuck you
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.