You jokes
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
You are quite [something].
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
Memes
Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!
You just made a Mist-ake.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
What do you call a midget that waves at you?
A microwave.
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!