You jokes
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Mum: Why are you throwing a paper plane at the twins?
Me: 😈
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
We ain’t got no new memes so here
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
What do you call a cow that sleeps?
A bulldozer! 🐄💤
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.
You're so full of shit that you need a colostomy bag to clean you out.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotofpuss.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.