You jokes
Carly (😊): What a beautiful day, huh?
Bianca (😔): Yes, for you it is.
Carly (😟): What's wrong?
Bianca (😕): Nothing, nothing at all...
Carly (😠): Don't lie to me...
Carly (🤔): Hmmm... Jordan???
Carly (😈): Because if so, I can take him out like this...
Bianca (😔🙄😒): Thank you... no... and I don't give a damn anymore!
Carly (😠): Bianca, trust me, you don't love him anyway!
Bianca (😒): Please, Carlyana, please keep your fucking face out of this.
Carly (😈): No need to curse, I can do that to Jordan if you want...
Bianca (😔): Well... shut your mouth and leave me alone!
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?
Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
How do you affirm a trans woman's gender?
By kicking him hard in the balls.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.
You can't convince me otherwise.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.