You jokes

When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!

You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!

The other person: Who?

You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

-->[] go through the door if you can.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

Why can’t you trust an emo kid?

'Cause they always leave you hanging.

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

How do you spot a cow?

With a bingo dabber.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

What did one bee say to the other bee?

"I love you, honey!"

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy