You jokes

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

Q: Get up for a chair joke!

A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

What do you white people use as pronouns?

Crack/her.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.