You jokes
How do you call a virgin girl in Alabama? An orphan.
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.
"Who are you?"
"I am mountain man!"
You. Me. Gas Station.
You guys wanna hear a joke?
My LOVE LIFE.
My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"
I said, "Paper."
She said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
What did the letter A say to the letter B?
"Z" you later.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.