You jokes
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
true
Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?
Because they can’t even.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you!
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
Why does shit come out your asshole? Cause fuck you, that's why.
I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What's brown and hurts your teeth? A chocolate? No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
What do you call Cap and Spider-Man? Spider-America!
You call it a school shooting.
I call it an unfair shootout.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.