You jokes

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving, just to go skydiving twice.

What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?

Maracas.

What do you call a cute door?

Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"

You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?

RUSSIA US A

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."