You jokes
If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!
I'd be a liar.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.