You jokes
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Lete know in the comments
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!
I'd be a liar.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.