You jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.
"Who are you?"
"I am mountain man!"
My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"
I said, "Paper."
She said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
What did the letter A say to the letter B?
"Z" you later.
You guys wanna hear a joke?
My LOVE LIFE.
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.