You jokes

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.

Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?

What do you call an angry shopper?

A cuss-tomer.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

Why tie when you can knot?

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?

Border hoppers! LOL.

Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?

Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?

Friend B: Yes, why?

Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.