If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
what do you call 6 gay men in WWII?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo's World.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
