Shelter Jokes

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.

Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!

What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

They both have no way home!

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

What's an orphan's favorite song?

"Gimme Shelter."

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know what a home looks like.

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?

Home.

What do you call an orphanage?

A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

Why can't orphans walk through doors?

Because they don't have a house to walk into.