Shelter jokes
You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Why does rapeboat like going to the dog shelter? It's cheaper than a whore house.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
Q: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere!
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Mrs. Harolen: Students, tomorrow's assignment is to bring your parents to school for a conference with the teacher information.
Garen: I want to know who cannot bring their parents to a conference. ORPHANS!
Students: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Mrs. Harolen: Garen sit down! NOW!
Garen: Hey, why can't orphans get a dog? They don't have their parents to drive them to the animal shelter.
Halen: Yeah! Why are orphans racist? Because they never saw their parents with a different race!
Students: No, that's not funny!
Student: SHUT UP!
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What’s an orphan's favorite food?
: Not home food.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.