You jokes
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.
Memes
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
I see you guys have SANS-ational jokes!
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Carlos.
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"