As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
You Jokes
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
