You jokes
What do you call a rabbit with a big ass?
A BUNny.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"
The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
You have been visited by Leonard the all knowing. He shall decide your fate…
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
I love you too.
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.