You jokes
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
Memes
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.