You jokes

There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?

The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.

These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.

Boy: Spell ME.

Girl: M-E.

Boy: You forgot the D.

Girl: There is no D in ME.

Boy: Not yet.

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!

What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 4.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

What do you call 2 spies fucking?

Undercover.

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)