You jokes

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

Would you like to eat some African food?

So would they...

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Answer: Your mom.

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.