You jokes

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

What do you call an owl with armor?

A Knight Owl!

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?

Tortilla chips.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.