You jokes

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.

You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?

Tortilla chips.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)

What do you call an owl with armor?

A Knight Owl!

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.