You jokes

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

What do you call an orphan with a boner?

Porn.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!

What do you call a deaf animal?

Anything, it can't hear you.

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.